Why You Aren’t Living to 500: A Brief History of Evolutionary "Hack Jobs"

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#1

Found an interesting article, repost it here.

If humans were a species of bird or reptile, we would likely have surpassed a 200-year lifespan long ago, perhaps even pushing 500.

The primary reason we don’t is that we inherited three massive piles of “biological legacy sh*t” from our short-lived, R-strategy, burrowing-rodent ancestors. A few tens of millions of years simply wasn’t enough time for evolution to refactor the code. Based on our current understanding of biology, even if we could freely gene-edit embryos and observe the results, fixing these massive “sh*t mountains” in a short time is nearly impossible. They are multi-target, multi-pathway, and cross-referenced nightmares.

Pile #1: The Low-Activity HSP-UPS Combo

The Result: Protein Accumulation. This makes humans prone to accumulating “garbage” proteins. When cells express proteins that fold incorrectly, they become toxic. HSP (Heat Shock Proteins) are meant to help proteins fold; if they can’t fix them, they tag them for the UPS (Ubiquitin-Proteasome System) to degrade and recycle.

The human version of this system is “trash tier” in terms of activity. Why? Because our ancestors needed to grow fast and secrete a lot; they didn’t need everything to be folded perfectly. You might ask: “What happens if they fold wrong? Especially in the central nervous system over decades?” Evolution’s response is the “Three Daily Self-Reflections”:

  • Can it eat?
  • Can it mate?
  • Can it breed? If the answer is “Yes,” then it’s good enough to ship! This is why humans get Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and ALS.

Pile #2: The p53-p21-Cellular Senescence Trap

The Result: DNA Damage Accumulation. When DNA goes wrong in a cell, a “Big Brother” reptile like a dinosaur would just tell the cell to go die (apoptosis)—once it’s dead, the body just eats a bit more and replaces it. But our rodent ancestors took a different path: “We can’t afford to kill it, let’s just make it work.” They put the cell into a “senescent” state—it doesn’t divide or stay active, but it stays there.

The problem? This leads to cancer. A tiny mouse doesn’t live long enough for a tumor to kill it, but to be safe, rodents evolved a trick: they turned off telomerase in somatic cells. They stopped repairing DNA entirely to prevent runaway cancer before they could breed. Again, the “Three Self-Reflections”: No telomere repair? Can it eat, mate, and breed? Yes? Ship it!

This is the “disposable product” design philosophy. Human somatic cells inevitably degrade in quality with age; theoretically, they were never designed to work for very long.

Pile #3: The mTOR “Master Switch”

The Result: The Growth/Repair Imbalance. You can’t blame the mice for this one; this “sh*t mountain” likely dates back to the LECA (Last Eukaryotic Common Ancestor). It’s the “bottom-layer code” for almost all multicellular life. Think of it as a toggle between Activity and Dormancy.

  • High blood sugar/High temp: Divide cells! Synthesize protein! No autophagy (self-cleaning)!
  • Low blood sugar/Low temp: Repair mode! Slow down synthesis! Start autophagy!

But millions of years ago, our ancestors had to fight fungi in damp tunnels. So, they evolved “High Tech”: Constant Body Temperature (~37°C). A 38°C white blood cell absolutely slaughters fungi. This ensured the mouse wouldn’t die of a fungal infection before popping out a litter.

But by doing this, we deleted one of the “OFF” switches for mTOR: Temperature. Evolution figured, “It’s fine, we still have the blood sugar switch. Animals always have to go through cycles of feasting and starving, right? They won’t just lie in a nest and be full every single day… right?”

…And then humans invented a world where you can eat 20,000 calories a day while doing nothing.

So, our bodies are stuck in “death-drive” mode: constantly synthesizing protein and dividing cells. Combined with the first two piles of “low-quality” garbage, you get a short-lived species.

The “Bird” Solution

Even though birds are also warm-blooded, they solved this by essentially “unplugging” the upstream switches. They barely use insulin; they don’t have the high-glucose/high-insulin pathway that triggers mTOR. Meanwhile, their AMPK (the energy-sensing “repair” switch) is almost always ON. They effectively abandoned the regulatory volatility of this pathway.

Conclusion: The first step for human longevity will likely be taking GLP-1 (like Ozempic) and Metformin for life. We have to learn how to “be a bird.”

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#2

This reads like AI slop. A barrage of claims without evidence, explained using insight-free folksy analogies. Many of these claims are controversial or even outright wrong. As a first example, we are not descended from rodents.

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#3

As an aside, I was talking to some young people yesterday about various chatbots. There was an almost universal attitude towards ChatGPT. "ChatGPT is so passé. Everyone knows that it is crazy." Apparently the fictitious and hallucinatory results that ChatGPT returned in the past continue to haunt ChatGPT, as this has mostly been corrected. I haven’t found a phony or hallucinatory reference returned from a query for quite sometime.

I wonder if the rejection of ChatGPT is widespread amoung the younger generations?

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#4

Indeed, this is mostly a collection of dubious claims put together.

Muted.

#5

When molecular biology finally determined that all existing humanoid beings on Earth—including the uncontactables deep in the Amazon jungle and the primitives on North Sentinel Island—can be traced back to an African female from nearly 200,000 years ago (Mitochondrial Eve) and an African population of fewer than 400 people: many staunch traditionalists lost their will to go on because they could not accept that their ancestors came from Africa.

When molecular biology + fossil evidence proved that humans originated in Africa and are all descendants of Australopithecus: some staunch traditionalists gave up because they could not accept that their ancestors came from Africa. When molecular biology proved that humans and chimpanzees shared an ancestor 6.5 million years ago: many staunch traditionalists gave up. This is because they could not accept that they and chimpanzees share an ancestor.

When molecular biology proved humans and gorillas shared an ancestor 14 million years ago: many staunch traditionalists gave up again. Because they could not accept sharing an ancestor with chimpanzees, and even less could they accept being descendants of monkeys.

When molecular biology determined and proved that humans, mice, and rabbits shared an ancestor 66 million years ago: more staunch traditionalists were driven to despair in anger because they could not accept sharing an ancestor with mice and rabbits. (The Euarchontoglires split into Primates and Rodents 66 million years ago).

When molecular biology determined humans, cats, dogs, wolves, lions, tigers, and bears shared an ancestor 76 million years ago: more staunch traditionalists were driven to despair in anger because they could not accept sharing an ancestor with the “Hajimi” (slang for pets) in their homes 76 million years ago. (76 million years ago, the Boreoeutheria split into the ancestors of Carnivora, the Laurasiatheria, and the ancestors of Primates, the Euarchontoglires).

When molecular biology determined humans and elephants shared an ancestor 120 million years ago: more staunch traditionalists were driven to despair in anger because they could not accept sharing an ancestor with an elephant. (120 million years ago, the descendants of Eomaia split into Boreoeutheria and Atlantogenata).

When molecular biology finally confirmed that the Eomaia from 130 million years ago is the common ancestor of all current placental mammals: more staunch traditionalists gave up. Because they could not accept that this thing looking like a mouse was their ancestor from 130 million years ago. (This little mouse is the common ancestor of all placental mammals).

When molecular biology determined humans and kangaroos share an ancestor: more staunch traditionalists croaked in anger because they could not accept sharing an ancestor with a kangaroo. (160 million years ago, the descendants of an early mammal split; one branch strengthened viviparity and evolved into Eomaia, eventually radiating into placental mammals, while the other evolved into Sinodelphys and eventually radiated into the marsupial Metatheria).

When molecular biology determined humans and the platypus shared an ancestor 200 million years ago: the staunch traditionalists broke defense again. Because they could not accept sharing an ancestor with a platypus. (This thing is the common ancestor of humans and the platypus).

In '21, a genetic test was once done targeting humans, kangaroos, crocodiles, and sparrows. The results caused some staunch traditionalists to give up again. The results found that humans and crocodiles shared an ancestor 330 million years ago. Inside were two segments of genes: one is the gene for the fetal membrane after a baby is born, and the other is the gene for growing five fingers. Crocodiles also have these two genes, and the final result shows they come from the same ancestor. The fetal membrane gene comes from a small ancient amphibian from the early Carboniferous, and the five-finger gene comes from a five-toed lobe-finned fish that went ashore at the end of the Devonian.

This genetic test also demonstrated that Archaeothyris is the earliest terrestrial direct ancestor of mammals. The results made some paleontologists very happy because they proved that Synapsids and Sauropsids share the same ancestor, possibly diverging from the same ancient amniote. The results of this test caused many staunch traditionalists to give up because they could not accept sharing an ancestor with a crocodile, and even less could they accept being descendants of lizards. (This thing is the ancestor of humans from 320 million years ago).

When molecular biology finally determined humans and frogs shared an ancestor 360 million years ago (the gene controlling five fingers is also present in amphibians; molecular testing shows they come from the same ancestor, diverging 360 million years ago before the Devonian mass extinction, both coming from the five-toed lobe-finned fish that went ashore at the end of the Devonian): this result caused many staunch traditionalists to give up because they could not accept sharing an ancestor with a frog, and even less could they accept that this fish-looking thing was their even more distant ancestor. (Among the many lobe-finned fish that went ashore, only the five-toed one survived the Devonian extinction; one of its descendant branches evolved into the amphibian ancestor Temnospondyli, and the other evolved into small amphibians like Lepospondyli, eventually evolving into amniotes).

When molecular biology finally determined humans and butterfly fish shared an ancestor 419 million years ago: more staunch traditionalists croaked in anger. Because they could not accept sharing an ancestor with a fish, and even less being descendants of a fish. (A certain primitive bony fish; one part of its descendants grew bones in their fins 419 million years ago and eventually evolved into lobe-finned fish and went ashore, while the other branch stayed in the sea and became the ancestor of butterfly fish).

When molecular biology finally determined humans and lampreys were the same ancestor 520 million years ago: some staunch traditionalists went straight to the insane asylum. Because when they knew they shared an ancestor with a lamprey, they couldn’t take the blow. (Haikouichthys, the common ancestor of vertebrates; one branch evolved into Cephalaspis and eventually radiated into the vast majority of vertebrates, while the other evolved into the ancestor of lampreys).

When molecular biology finally determined humans and insects shared an ancestor 650 million years ago: many staunch traditionalists directly went insane. Because they could not accept sharing an ancestor with insects, and even less being descendants of a 650-million-year-old seabed slug. (650 million years ago, a seabed creature similar to a slug called a Planula larva; one branch of its descendants evolved into Protostomes, the ancestors of arthropods, while the other evolved into Deuterostomes, the ancestors of vertebrates).

Now, some staunch traditionalists, as soon as they hear “molecular biology,” they start huffing with rage. I don’t know what there is to be angry about. For those who believe humans are the “chosen children of heaven,” molecular biology runs a test once and assigns them an ancestor—from an Ape ancestor, to a Squirrel ancestor (Purgatorius, the earliest primate, determined by molecular biology to be the human ancestor from 66 million years ago, looks like a squirrel), to a Rat ancestor (Euarchontoglires ancestor, Boreoeutheria ancestor, Eomaia ancestor, Mammaliamorph ancestor), to a Cynodont ancestor, to a Synapsid reptile ancestor, and finally gives them a Lizard ancestor (Archaeothyris), and finally gives them several Fish ancestors (Lobe-finned fish, early Bony fish, Jawed fish, Cephalaspis, Haikouichthys) and a “Meat Sausage” ancestor (Deuterostome).

By the time the testing is done, even a slug has become an ancestor. No wonder those staunch traditionalists huff at molecular biology.

#6

This is a lot of verbiage to affirm that, in fact, humans are not descended from rodents.